On Growing Up

Welcome back to Diary of a Small-Town Girl! Happy February! It feels like this year has flown by. Plus, today is my 19th birthday! I feel like it kind of crept up on me this year, but I’m definitely excited to start another new year – even as I’ve been reflecting on growing up. This will also be the first year that I’m away from my family on my birthday. I’ll get to see my mom this weekend, and it’ll be really fun to celebrate with my friends at college, but it will definitely be different.

On my 18th birthday, I actually had COVID, which I always forget about until I try to remember what I did for my birthday last year. While 19 doesn’t feel like as big of a birthday as 18 did, getting one year closer to turning 20 feels really weird. In the leadup to my 19th birthday, I’ve been thinking a lot about growing up. I keep seeing the Taylor Swift trend of “How can a person know everything at 18 and nothing at 22?”, which is kind of how I got started thinking about this. So, here’s On Growing Up.

I feel like growing up is kind of a hard thing to write about.

I feel like growing up is kind of a hard thing to write about. (Case in point: I rewrote this first sentence about 8 times in the last minute). Even though I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, I’m still not entirely sure how to put into words what I’ve been feeling.

For me, growing up has honestly never been that scary. It’s always been really exciting for me. I remember always wanting to be older when I was younger. Especially in middle and high school, I couldn’t wait to be graduated and to go to college and live where I wanted to and have bigger adventures than I thought I could have in my hometown.

Now that I am the age that I always wanted to be as a kid, I’ve been looking back on how silly some of the ideas and aspirations that I had. I’ve also been thinking about how glad I am that I’m not living that crazy-idealized life that 10-year-old me dreamed up.

To me, growing up is realizing that so many of the things that you thought were true as a kid really aren’t. And also realizing that that’s O.K.

Because even though my life isn’t what I imagined it would be, I am so, so happy.

Because even though my life isn’t what I imagined it would be, I am so, so happy.

One of the best examples of this is actually going to college. Growing up, I always thought that I’d leave my small town, move across the country and go to a big college in a big city and study medicine. In reality, I ended up at a small liberal arts college only a 3-hour drive from my hometown, in the same state that I’ve spent my whole life in, and I while I’m not sure what I’m going to do in the future, I know it’s not going to be medical school.

And yet, I don’t think I could have made a better choice. I’m still going to college in a city, though it is a smaller one than I expected. I’m taking classes that I truly am interested in and love going to every day. I’ve made some incredible friends and met so many unique, interesting people. And I’m still pretty close to my family and friends at home, which I love.

“Everything Happens for a Reason”

So, while my expectations did not pan out pretty much at all, everything worked out. And I think that’s a big thing that I’ve realized as I’ve grown up. Something that my mom always says is “Everything happens for a reason.” And while I didn’t always understand that saying, and it’s definitely frustrating at times, I really do think that it’s true. Things happen the way that they’re supposed to.

And while that doesn’t mean that we don’t have to work hard or take risks to achieve the things we want, it also means that we can have some trust in the universe and know that whatever happens is for the best.

So, while my life definitely isn’t how younger me imagined it, I would say that it’s better than I imagined it to be. Going into the 19th year of my life, I have so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to. So, here’s to 19!

Here’s me at my preschool graduation vs. me at my high school graduation! I found these photos when I was getting ready to move to college, and I thought it was so fun to have both and to compare them. It’s such a visual representation of me growing up!

Here’s to 19!

Thank you so much for reading this somewhat wandering and sappy post! If you’ve made it to the end, make sure to share this post with someone who would enjoy it, and check all the other DSTG posts, like this one on Why the Little Moments Matter. I am so excited to go into my nineteenth year with this blog, and with all of you. Thank you so much for being here, and I’ll see you next week!